YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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