I faked an abortion last night.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
