how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
