I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
