Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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