"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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