Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
