She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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