8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize