I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize