Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
