He asked to "fluff my boner.."
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
