Do you still have your period?
he shaved USA in his pubs
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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