I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize