I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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