my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
