true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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