Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
