Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize