You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
