His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Did we literally take a cab across the street
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
i've created a new STD.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
