Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
