i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize