i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
