legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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