If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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