I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
