he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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