So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
We named our party play list daddy issues
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
