Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
