tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
