I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
