Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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