I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
