we're making bets on your personal life
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
