I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
my being single is dangerous.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
