I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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