There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
