Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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