what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
