Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
