I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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