someone threw a dead crab at me
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Randomize
