Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
