i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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