FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
