so explain again why im purple
no
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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