PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
