I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
