Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
