All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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