I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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