I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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