put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize