So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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