Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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