Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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