Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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