Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
