We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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