I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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