forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
im six kinds of drunk right now
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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