i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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