Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
