I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
