I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
