I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
