I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
