Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Enjoy the penises
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