Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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