He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
