Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
