So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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