I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
