3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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