isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
