I can text with my tongue
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
