Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize